he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize