went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
