i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
