If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm really busy with my period
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