He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
