Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
