her facebook's as public as her vagina
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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