using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
