i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
