my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
