Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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