my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
