zippers are such a cool invention
Sober January is a disaster.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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