My boss' voice literally gives me gas
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
