Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
