I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
