3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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