VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
