Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
