some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
