So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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