I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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