You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
