Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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