He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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