Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
