Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just gift wrapped bread.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
