I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
