too bad you live with your parents still
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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