I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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