The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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