Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize