There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
