Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
