Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I smell stomach acid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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