I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she looked like the before picture.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
