im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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