I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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