What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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