I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
