ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
