It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
