It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
