thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
