Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
