How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
