shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
