I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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