did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
