My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
