I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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