I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
