My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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