It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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