You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
