Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
