last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
