I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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