you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
