porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
