sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
