Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
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